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The Rattrap Skavengers

And they can see no reasons, because there are no reasons: what reasons do you need?

The Rattrap Skavengers are a BloodbowlTM team: my favourite BloodbowlTM team, to be precise. I have been running them for about 4 years now and they seem to have lost more matches then they have won. Despite this, they are still stormingly good and are now capable of defeating teams even of a similar team rating as themselves. They never used to be able to do this - they used to get mown down before they got to do anything.

For those of you who do not know, BloodbowlTM is a game produced by Games Workshop (oh, the shame of it), based losely on American football. It is more violent and silly, and is played on a board instead of a field. The rules are simple but detailed and teams have a choice of all the standard GW fantasy races: orcs, elves, humans, dwarves, chaos, undead and skaven.

Anyway, for those of you who care (or want a good BloodbowlTM team to 'borrow' for a game or two) here are the details of my team, and a little history about them. I've made up an awful lot of rubbish about the team, in a style similar to that presented in the BloodbowlTM rule book; most of it's just silly, irrelevant junk but then again, if you've been reading this site, then you'll know that the vast majority of what I do is just irrelevant junk.
Of late, the BloodbowlTM world has had a bit of a rules shake-up and the whole game is in limbo, awaiting the final verdicts of the League Commissioner and then the team coaches and assistant coaches. It looks like there will be a bit of a team shake-down, with old, now illegal, players are fired and new ones are hired. This may explain some of the stuff on this page.

Things to look at:

The Skavenger's Team Sheet

Team Captain: Kazcull Murky
Team Ground: Tellan Warp
Head Coach: LL Luthor
Current Spike! Magazine rating: 363
Fan Factor: 13

No. NAME POS MA ST AG AV SKILLS COMP TD INT CAS MVPS SPP
1 Squeel TH 8 3 4 7 Sure Hands, Pass, Dodge, Surefeet, Accurate 44 3 0 0 5 78
2 Veek IV LM 7 3 3 7 0 0 0 0 0 0
3 Sneek LM 6 3 3 7 Block, Dauntless, Horns 6 1 0 5 4 39
4 Rancid GR 9 2 5 7 Dodge, Jump-up, Surefeet 0 0 0 0 0 43(P)
5 Lurk LM 7 3 4 7 Block, Dodge, Pro 16 9 2 5 7 92
6 Vanik GR 10 2 4 7 Dodge, Catch 0 4 0 0 0 12
7 Dank SV 7 3 3 8 Block, Mighty Blow, Dirty Player, Guard 2 0 0 8 3 33
8 Brainsmasher RO 6 5 3 9 Mighty Blow, Prehensile Tail, Always Hungry, Guard, Block. 0 0 0 2 1 117(P)
9 Traik GR 10 2 4 7 Dodge, Very Long Legs, Catch, Surefeet, Sprint, Block, Stunty 32 53 0 0 5 216
10 Throat Ripper RO 6 4 3 9 Prehensile Tail, Mighty Blow, Thickskull, Always Hungry, Piling On 0 0 0 3 1 120(P)
11 Jaw Cruncher RO 6 5 4 9 Mighty Blow, Prehensile Tail, Always Hungry, Wild Animal, Bonehead, Regenerate. 0 0 0 5 3 25
12 Kazcull (C) SV 7 3 3 8 Block, Mighty Blow, Guard 2 1 0 3 2 21
13 Scratch LM 7 3 3 7 0 0 0 0 0 0
14 Muad'dib LM 8 3 3 7 Block, Stripball 3 1 0 1 7 43
15 Edzul GR 9 2 4 6 Dodge, Big Hand, Catch, Sure Hands, Stunty 25 3 1 1 4 58
Retired players: Dahek Bedrek and Spleen Gouger.
Dead players: Veek Gibbletnibbler III and 'Revenge' Snicker.

The team also sports 4 assistant coaches, 5 cheerleaders and Bob the Apothecary.

[Team Sheet] [The Skavengers] [Match Record] [Team News] [Fanzine] [Explanations]

Introducing the Rattrap Skavengers

Here is a little information about each member of the team, their basic background and their role on the pitch.

Squeel Nailbiter
Squeel is the Skavengers’s team thrower, although inexperienced at first, he has proved to be a most outstanding player. Although his specialised field is picking up and passing the ball, he is also an agile and fast player, and he has already scored 3 touchdowns -- no mean feat for someone who is normally the farthest from the opposition’s endzone! At this time Squeel has been training his replacements for the Clan Rigens -- as all BloodBowl players know, nothing lasts forever, and it’s only a matter of time before they pick up a serious injury they can’t shake, or they are inadvertently killed by a too-rough tackle. Squeel, however, is optimistic. He has been with the team since it’s formation just over 4 years ago and has so far managed to miss only three matches due to injury.
Team Record: 44 completions, 3 touchdowns, 5 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Veek Gibbletnibbler III
Veek joined the team after the deaths of his uncle and his father and suffered the same fate at the hands of the dwarves. He, like them, was a lineman, although quite a charismatic one, and the team sees him as their team mascot, generally playing better when he is on the pitch! He has shaped up to be a good player, continuing even after the sad demise of his relatives, casualties to the harshness of more muscular teams. Although not one of the more skilled team members, Veek is always there to lend an assist or to stick an oar in and in a game as tough as this, sometimes that’s enough.
Team Record: 3 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Sneek Toeknawer
A distinctive player on the pitch, Sneek has two horns protruding from his head, making him a formidable opponent. More than once he has dauntlessly faced an ogre and brought him down, and once he even stood up to a treeman! Although this seems quite foolhardy to the rest of the team, it seems that the reckless Sneek has some hidden strength reserves that aid him on the field. A little slower than his fellows due to an almost crippling leg injury, he is often the rearguard action that leaves the opposition reeling, or at least smarting, from his surprising bursts of strength.
Team Record: 6 completions, 1 touchdown, 5 casualties and 4 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Lurk Eyegouger
A true professional player, Lurk is one of the first players picked for the team. He is agile, tough and intelligent, having scored quite a few touchdowns despite being a lineman. He has proved time and again that he should not be discounted -- in the match against the Grim Reapers, he was the last man standing on the pitch as the team ganged up on him and proceeded to attempt to beat him into a bloody pulp. Surprisingly, Lurk came out of that match virtually unscathed and even managed to wrangle a little time for the team with Isabelle von Karstein, the Reapers’ exceptionally attractive vampiress. During the course of the last few seasons, Lurk has been seriously injured and picked up a twisted knee that niggles every now and then. Despite this, he has been at 90% of the matches and is one of the hardest workers on the team, always determined to push himself that little bit further each time.
Team Record: 16 completions, 9 touchdowns, 2 interceptions, 5 casualties and 7 Most Valuable Player Awards.
Vanik Sneekwreaker
The newest addition to the Skavenger’s line-up, Vanik is a promising young gutter runner. Hand picked by "Revenge" Snicker himself, he scored a touchdown in his debut match. With such a start, the possibilities are endless and the team have high hopes for their new member.
Team Record: 4 touchdowns.

Dank Fingerchewer
Slightly grizzled as BloodBowl players go, Dank is from a long line of Storm Vermin. Solid as a rock, he invariably stands on the line of scrimmage at kick-offs, which is his favourite part of the pitch, according to him. He has a talent for hurting his opponents which has come in handy as he is celebrating his 7th casualty of his career this week. Although not a favourite with the fans, Dank continues to play the game to its fullest, usually hitting opponents until they, or he, are carted off the field. Despite his savage approach to the game (he has been known in the past to viciously attack and maim prone players) he has remarkably sustained no real injury to himself and maintains his level of fitness well. At this time he is assisting with the Clan’s training of new players and he helped to pick the Skavenblight Scrambler’s under-12 months squad.
Team Record: 2 completions, 8 casualties and 3 Most Valuable Player Awards.

"Really Nasty" BrainSmasher
Following the deaths of two of his siblings, BrainSmasher insisted on joining the Skavengers. Naturally, they were unlikely to turn down such talent and so he became the team’s only Rat Ogre. Of course now the team has three, but BrainSmasher is their leader - he usually keeps them in check, directs them and tells them how to do what the Skaven want done. A good, solid player, BrainSmasher is a bit of a bragger and tends to tell everyone that he plays for the Skavengers but this has never done the team any harm at all. He was described by Spike! Magazine reporter Ernin Kasch as 'one of those players you want to hate but he’s just too big'.
Team Record: 2 casualties, 1 Most Valuable Player Award.

Traik Whitwing
Possibly the most famous (or infamous) Skaven player of all time, bar Hakflem Skuttlespike, Traik is popular with fans and team-mates both. His amazing speed and talent for dodging opponents have made him a force to be reckoned with; along with the trademarked 'lightning touchdown'. The proximity of his quarters to warpstone has caused him to be quite deformed, but this appears to have had only beneficial effects on his game -- 43 touchdowns can testify to that. However, opposing teams are not so inspired by his talent and invariably give him death-threats prior to and during matches. This has made Traik a most paranoid player, particularly after several of those death threats became attempted assassinations and so now he spends a significant amount of the game in the dugout surrounded by ex-BloodBowl players (assistant coaches). Despite this, each time he gets onto the pitch, the Skavenger fans go wild in anticipation and lift the team generally. Although nominated for the Hall of Fame, so far Traik has not been accepted which, he says, is a little disappointing, but something he can live with. Clan Rigens considered asking him to help to train up and coming players, but then decided not to ask him in order to prevent fans mobbing youth games in order to see him.
Team Record: 32 completions, 53 touchdowns, 5 Most Valuable Player Awards.

"Utterly Awful" Throat Ripper
A nickname picked up on the training ground, 'Utterly Awful' is by no means awful as a player. Selected more for his muscle than his technical efficiency, he has proved himself to be a bit of an all round player, having surprisingly scored a touchdown! Less damaging than his fellows, he tends to keep himself to himself more, even on the pitch, so he is often the support for Traik at a kick-off: after all, Traik is only really standing there for a matter of seconds. Throat Ripper has certainly been capable of discarding his nickname for quite a while but appears to keep it to show his previous coaches and fellow trainees just how wrong they were. Following an outburst on the training field, Throat stormed off and refused to play but has recently rejoined the team, much to their relief.
Team Record: 3 casualties, 1 Most Valuable Player Award.

"Totally Insane" Spleen Gouger
Not actually insane at all, Spleen Gouger took the name upon realising that his two new team-mates had prefixes to their own name. He was the last of the three Rat Ogres to join the team and certainly seems to be the one capable of inflicting the most punishment on the opposition -- especially since the crippling injury that left him unable to keep up with the rest of the team on a drive. As a consequence he appears to have taken up mangling the opposition, almost in revenge for his lack of speed. Not a rat to meet down any alley at any time, he is a big brooding creature and definitely not to be crossed. On more than one occasion he has been known to threaten his own team-mates when they’ve overstepped the mark. Recently, Spleengouger took a nasty wound during practise that has forced him to retire from play: however, he can’t keep away from Tellan Warp and is a regular face there, shouting encouragement to the team while they practice and helping ‘Revenge’ train the new Rat ogres.
Team Record: 5 casualties, 2 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Jaw Crusher
The newest muscle on the team, Jaw Crusher has been brought in to replace the crippled Spleen Gouger. He is a keen Bloodbowl player but still has much to learn and a few nasty habits to iron out. He has a remarkable ability to sustain damage, however, which is presumably a deciding factor in his promotion to the first team.
Team Record: 5 casualties, 3 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Kazcull Murky
A most interesting character, Kazcull is the Skavenger’s surprising choice for team captain, although the reason for his post becomes evident when you speak to him. Chosen from the crowd during the Skavenger’s first match, against the Bronzegate Crusaders, Kazcull is originally from Clan Mors and had to be transferred to Clan Rigens after the match. Excited at the prospect of joining a BloodBowl team, he worked and trained hard and has become an outstanding player. He claims to model his play on that of the dwarves and this much can be seen in his behaviour on the field and his simple talent for staying upright in the face of adversity and much bigger opponents. He lends a hand to any and every player near him in whatever way he can, always shouting encouragement at his team and insults at his enemies. All this has made him suitable for the position of team captain, despite such opposition as Traik Whitwing, the fan’s favourite, or 'Revenge', his Gutter Runner protégé. In person, Kazcull is fairly imposing -- his father was a Storm Vermin Hostleader -- and he talks rapidly, spewing out ideas, tactics, jokes and insults without seeming to draw breath. His intelligence is quickly evident, as well as the fact that almost all of the tactics and manoeuvres used by the Skaven at any point are all his idea; winning or losing, most matches can be hinged on him.
Team Record: 2 completions, 1 touchdown, 3 casualties and 2 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Dahek Bedrek
A very straightforward player, and a rather unobtrusive one, Dahek is the Skavenger’s youngest Storm Vermin. For the most part his role is at the side of Kazcull, muscling in on the line of scrimmage, although lately they have both been playing wide roles in order to stretch the team a little. Definitely the type of player every team needs, Dahek is no stunningly flamboyant star player, nor is he a great one for notable achievements or even a loud personality, he simply gets on with the match and plays until it ends or he is carried off the field. This style has ensured that he is always picked for the first team and is able to live his life in relative peace, untroubled by the media or opposition players, many of which have never heard of him. When told this, Dahek remarked "it’s a small price to pay for never being marked out for a mangling". Alas, when the new league rules were announced, without explanation Dahek left the team for good, leaving the others bereft of a valuable player.
Team Record: 1 casualty, 2 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Scratch Clanrat
This new player has a lot of potential and big boots to fill after the retirement of Dahek Bedrek, however thus far he has only managed to pick himself up a niggling injury...
Team Record: 1 Most Valuable Player Award.

Muad'dib
Strangely named for a Skaven, no one is really certain what clan Muad’dib was originally from. Still, after he had been training with the team for a while, no one really cared as it became evident that he had great BloodBowl potential: potential that he has capitalised on well. A fast player, he has a talent for taking the ball out of the hands of almost any player and works well in conjunction with 'Revenge' and Edzul. They frequently steal the ball from an awkward place and whisk it away down the pitch thanks to the fine talents of Muad’dib. Popular with the fans, a little while ago he released a single which got to number one in the charts, based on the events that transpired at the Mega DungeonBowl a few weeks before called 'Every Orc I Knew (I Slew Him for You)'.
Team Record: 3 completions, 1 touchdown, 1 interception and 7 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Edzul Atreyu
If there is a stereotypical Gutter Runner, Edzul is not it. Able to pick up the ball virtually anywhere due to the size of his right hand, he is one up on most Gutter Runners who usually find themselves flattened before they get the chance. Still, the hazardous nature of the game has not left this player unharmed and after a nasty spate of serious injuries, he sustained one against the Paladins that he just can't shake. This injury has not affected his game in any way but if he gets hit he is very prone to go down hard. Very much a playmaker, Edzul has been dubbed the teams' second thrower, although he rarely throws the ball, he is often either at Muad’dib’s side or that of Squeel Nailbiter. In the dugout, Edzul is a bit of a prankster but this has never spilled over into his field play. A rapidly improving player, Edzul is one for the star player scouts to watch.
Team Record: 25 completions, 3 touchdowns, 1 interception, 1 casualty, 4 Most Valuable Player Awards.

Khalen "Revenge" Snicker
Deceased- details coming soon.
Yes, "Revenge"'s little-known first name is Khalen. He signed up for the team a relatively short time ago but has proved himself to be a very formidable team player. Exceptionally agile, quick to recover and sure handed, he has successfully made himself a niche and proved himself invaluable. A completely mysterious character, it is unknown why he is called "Revenge", although rumours abound that his brother, with whom he was very close, had previously been a BloodBowl player, too and he had joined the game in order to avenge his death. To the knowledge of the team, however, he has killed no one thus far. At least not on the pitch... He always wears a black cloak, which adds to his air of mystery, and no one is really sure what colour his fur is, although Kazcull assures me that it is not important. As previously mentioned, he is Kazcull’s protégé and spends a lot of time with him, sometimes commanding as much respect from the team as their captain. Certainly he carries himself with an air of authority, or an air of confidence - it’s hard to say which. Currently the talent scout for the team, he also helps to train the young Gutter Runners of the future, about which he was heard to remark 'the Horned Rat has sent us many omens; first Sneek and now this. Soon... soon we will all see.' No one is really sure what he is talking about and the team themselves are keeping quiet in their own interpretations.
Team Record: 13 completions, 5 touchdowns and 1 Most Valuable Player Award.
[Team Sheet] [The Skavengers] [Match Record] [Team News] [Fanzine] [Explanations]

The Match Record

OPPONENT RACE RESULT SCORE CAS. FOR CAS. VS GATE
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Lost 1-1 1 7 8K
Wind-Dancers Wood Elves Lost 1-3 0 2 27K
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Lost 2-3 1 3 18K
Wind-Dancers Wood Elves Drew 2-2 0 2 35K
Elloraich Paladins Dark Elves Lost 2-3 0 5 16K
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Lost 2-3 2 7 21K
Orc Eagles Orcs Lost 0-2 1 4 15K
Orc Eagles Orcs Lost 2-4 0 8 44K
Marauders Humans Lost 1-3 0 3 41K
Wind-Dancers Wood Elves Won 2-1 0 0 46K
Newland Raiders Humans Won 4-2 2 0 8K
Marauders Humans Drew 1-1 0 4 58K
Elloraich Paladins Dark Elves Lost 1-3 0 3 31K
Orc Eagles Orcs Won 3-2 0 5 41K
Elloraich Paladins Dark Elves Drew 2-2 0 1 34K
Orc Eagles Orcs Lost 1-3 1 3 52K
Newland Raiders Humans Won 4-3 2 0 41K
Bananas Orcs Won 4-1 0 2 38K
Elloraich Paladins Dark Elves Lost 1-3 1 5 58K
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Lost 2-3 1 10 48K
Wind-Dancers Wood Elves Lost 0-4 1 6 132K
Orc Eagles Orcs Won 3-2 0 3 64K
Orc Eagles Orcs Lost 2-4 2 Some Lots
Mega Dungeon Bowl Orcs, Dwvs & Ch. Dwvs Lost 0-1 0 8 85K
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Drew 3-3 0 4 72K
Grim Reapers Undead Drew 2-2 1 4 62K
Heartblades Dark Elves Won 5-0 6 1 68K
Warhawks Wood Elves Won 4-2 0 0 46K
Orc Eagles Orcs Lost 2-4 3 2 69K
Warhawks Wood Elves Won 2-1 2 1 70K
Warhawks Wood Elves Drew 3-3 0 1 71K
Fungerson's Few ? Lost 1-1 2 3 76K
Elloraich Paladins Dark Elves Lost 2-1 0 5 92K
Middenheim United Humans Won 5-2 2 1 45K
Warhawks Wood Elves Won 3-2 0 2 102K
Middenheim United Humans Won 4-2 0 1 51K
Heaven's Fiends Chaos Won 2-0 1 3 41K
Elloraich Paladins Dark Elves Lost 0-6 1 2 122K
Hawkland Heroes Humans Won 4-3 2 1 46K
WarHawks Wood Elves Won 5-2 2 3 99K
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Lost 1-2 1 9 65K
Bronzegate Crusaders Dwarves Lost 5-5 0 11 72K
Hertfordshire Hawthornes Wood Elves Won 3-1 2 3 47K

Team Statistics:

Games Won: 16/43
Games Lost: 21/43
Games Drawn: 6/43
TDs Scored For: 98
TDs Scored Against: 101
Fan Factor: 13
Team Rating: 363

[Team Sheet] [The Skavengers] [Match Record] [Team News] [Fanzine] [Explanations]

Team News

The following are a series of newspaper clippings regarding the Rattrap Skavengers, taken from local and national news sources.

"The BloodBowl League Commisioner has been rethinking the rules and consequently there has been a bit of a stir caused in the Bloodbowl community. The new rules include limiting the buying of star players from other teams, thus encouraging homegrown players to flourish in their own teams. also the limiting of 'large' players to a maximum of four....."
Ernin Kasch, Spike! Magazine.

"The effect of this ruling on the local Bloodbowl side has been significant with the inevitable retirement of at least one of their three Storm Vermin. The Rat Ogres, likewise, are in turmoil, one threatening to leave while the other two appear to be unconcerned by the shake up..."
Daflesh Trikkle, Tellan Underground Story.

"...two more bodies have been found badly mangled near the edge of the forest at Tellan Village in Hochland. There is a Skaven hold nearby and the townspeople are pointing the accusing finger there, despite previously good relations. They claim that they saw a large 'Rat-like ogre' coming through the trees at dusk on the night the two most recent murders happened..."
Sarah Upton, Hochland Echo.

"The Bloodbowl League Commissioner has finally announced the new rule changes to the teams, players and coaches and this has caused widespread dissention across the board. Many teams have reported players leaving -- several coaches have thrown in the towel and an entire village in Sylvania has vanished into shadow. Locally, the Rattrap Skavengers have suffered the dehabilitating blow of having Dahek Bedrek, one of their vital Storm Vermin, walk out on them in the middle of a practice. According to our sources, he left without a word and has not been seen in the three days since. They also report the sad loss of two of their Rat Ogres, one through injury and one through a similar Fate to Dahek Bedrek."
Daflesh Trikkle, Tellan Underground Story.

[Team Sheet] [The Skavengers] [Match Record] [Team News] [Fanzine] [Explanations]

Extracts from Rattrap Carrion

'Rattrap Carrion' is the Rattrap Skavengers’ infrequent and infamous fanzine. Penned mostly by the head coach, Luthor, it is filled with bits of news from all the teams and an equally infrequent news column run by the team captian, Kazcull Murky, called ‘Ratty Stuff’. This is a selection of some of the more interesting articles therein:

Ratty Stuff: Play Well, Run Well.
If you play well and run well then like in the match we played yesterday against them elfy types you can get the ball down the pitch into the touchzone without getting crapped up too much but you have to be careful of pittraps and trampoline traps because if you run too fast then you get catapulted out of the stadium and don’t get back till the next game which isn’t good for the other rats on the team who are waiting for you to score and when you don’t then they are lost and the opposition have the ball and they run fast and so running fast is good because if you run faster you can trip them up and if they fall over you’ve got the ball and they’ve got broken ribs and this is a good thing and you leave the rat ogres to the back like we do and you run away with the ball and you keep running all of you running and then you get to the end and get to stop for a bit. That is how to win matches.
Or you just give the ball to Traik and he runs away and there is no point running after him because by the time you get to him he has scored and is running back to you and you aren’t even over the line of scrimmage yet.
-KM.

Ratty Stuff: Eat Things Lots.
Eat lots of stuff because then you get bigger and the bigger you are then the harder you hit but this doesn’t apply if you’re a Gutter Runner or the opposition or just before the match but always eat lots and try to be bigger than orcs because orcs are very big but if you eat too much you turn too big into a rat ogre and then you lose brains and fur and skill and get strong and scary which is good but if you were a lineman before then this isn’t good at all. What you want to be like is a dwarf because dwarfs are small and scary and made of metal so you’re teeth hurt and if you are made of metal too then you’ll make teeth hurt and won’t get eaten but still eat lots of things and dwarfs are hairy too so Skaven can be dwarfs only bigger and this is what we want here but not in little Gutter Runners because we hit guys who hit them and if they could hit them back themselves then why would we be there?
-KM.

Ratty Stuff: Bad News
Dahek has gone this morning when we did the rules in practice he just walked out and left us all holding the ball like silly buggers us all standing there and trying to figure it out and him just walking out the gates and down the tunnel and not coming back even when Lurk ran after him and asked him what was up and where he was going he just went away and all his things are gone and he took his name off the roster and now we only have two Storm Vermin, me and Dank, and its weird because then Spleen Gouger tore up both his legs on the field and can’t walk and apothecary tried to fix it but he can’t and Spleen will be out of the Game forever with Buggered Knees and then Throat Ripper got angry and hit the apothecary and we had to stop him and there was a big fight and Throat said no way could he stay if Dahek and Spleen weren’t playing anymore and I told him to stay and he said no he couldn’t and Revenge told him to stay and took him to one side and whispered funny things to him but he won’t stay and now we are truly up the duff because we have only one Rat Ogre and two Storm Vermin and unhappy players and lots of minor injuries.
-KM.

Ratty Stuff: Bleeding Commies.
It has been a while since the last time I wrote and there has been lots of things going right and wrong since that time because we were three men down and a big buggered but the news across the Game is that the whole shebang has gone up like this and all the teams have things like Buggered Knees and players leaving all over the place walking out the door and taking their name off the roster which is good because they have less players but bad because now so do we and even though Revenge picked new Skaven for the team we’re still not as good as we was and when we went to find Dahek he bit us so he is definitely not coming back which is also a bugger because our line of scrimmage has a big hole in it and Dank and I aren’t big enough to fill it and the rat ogres are gone so Brain can’t do it on his own and Dank can’t eat enough to be a rat ogre and anyway Luthor said he wasn’t allowed to be a rat ogre and when she says stuff we listen and she doesn’t say much anyway and leaves us to our own devices but she said things so we obeyed and we have the new team members and I can’t remember their names as Revenge is still saying mysterious things to them but I think they might be quite good and our first practice is this week so we should see them and how good the are.
Other news that has happened is that the stadium is getting a lift on its face and will be all new for next season which is another thing that Luthor said we should do and with some of the money we have saved we are building new stands and regrassing the pitch and maybe putting some traps in I don’t know but a new sausage seller will be here and with a new team and a new sign so we will look good in the new stadium even if we lose and the rooms are still in the same place but a bit cleaner and there have been more coaches made so Traik won’t get sassinned.
-KM.

Ratty Stuff: New Things
Well much is still happening because Throat came back yesterday he didn’t say why he just turned up and went to his room and came to training and we’re all happy so no questions yet but Spleen is okay but he can’t run but comes back to training now and again and yells at the new rat ogres to get moving but they’re not as fast as the gutter runners who are really quick and I’m glad because if we can’t catch them no one can it’s the way the game is and the new players are shaping up okay we have a new lineman and a new rat ogre and lots of training players but we don’t need no more for the first team but Revenge says the rat ogre could be dangerous and has a lot of pent up somethingorother so he might be a bit crazy on the pitch but I say not to worry cause we is hard and we can handle pent up things.
We is playing the Necropolean Nihilists soon but they is a new team so we not worried much we need a warm up with the new guys and we are out of practise with the league problems we have been having. The team is all fired up for a game so it will be good even if we lose which we won’t but we might because they are a hitting team and we are a running team or so Luthor tells us but I am a hitting rat even if we are a running team I am not a gutter runner and neither are most of everyone else but if the Boss says it then it must be true. I don’t know if we are playing in the new stadium yet but we should because it looks good and playing in a graveyard is not fun and the new sausage seller does good sausages and if we go then Spleen won’t be able to come and shout at the sidelines which we want him to because he shouts really loud.
-KM

A Word from the Head Coach:
Many of you have heard about the shake-up in the rules of the game. Many rumours abound and many players have taken extreme action upon hearing the news that the rules by which they have been playing all these years have changed. Some players have vanished for good, lost into the archives of Bloodbowl history.
The truth of the matter is that the player farms have been stopped. No longer will there be huge organisations delivering the same style players to the door of every team that wants a fast catcher or a blitzer who can leap through the air, or a treeman capable of hurling a halfling. Instead, the League Commissioner has decreed that teams will groom their own players and sell them on, encouraging individuality and creative play. In addition, referees have been cautioned to maintain a closer eye on the teams for foul play – those seen committing offences such as fouling are more likely to be spotted and reprimanded. Apothecaries are being given retraining to deal with the casualties that inevitably occur during a match: now they are able to prevent more serious and fatal injuries than ever before. Finally, the rules regarding certain types of players have been revised restricting each team to a maximum of four ‘large’ players and Skaven teams to but two Storm Vermin.
I can assure the fans that although this does affect the team quite significantly, all teams are undergoing a similar traumatic change and we will not suffer unduly because of the transition. In fact we hope to return from the shake-up like a phoenix from the flames: reborn and revitalised. Bloodbowl is growing and changing – and we have to grow and change with it in order to win the Trophy.
Luthor.

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