Death of The Phantom Menace

• This is my apprentice, Darth Pants.
• Revealed your pants are.
• I heard Master Yoda say something about pants. I was wondering, what are pants?
• Maxi big the pants.
• Naboo think they so smartie, think their pants soooo big.
• They've gone up the pants.
• I call for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Valorum's pants.
• If you would only obey the code then you would be on the pants.
• Do not defy the pants, master. Not again.
• And we cannot use our pants to assist her.
• You'd better stop your friend's gambling, or I'll end up owning his pants.
• No money, no pants, no deal.
• Clean the pants, then you can go home.
  Yippee!
• Your friend was about to be turned into orange pants.
• We've not a lot of pants to trade.
• Well, there's the Queen's pants...
• I don't care what pants you're from - that's gotta hurt!
• And it looks like Quadranero's got pants trouble.
• Pants? Here?
• We should not have made these pants.
• Begin landing your pants.
• Stow aboard separate pants - we'll meet on the surface.
• An extremely well put together pair of pants. Without a doubt they saved the ship.
• You come from warm pants, Ani, a little too warm for my tastes.
• The weapons on your fighters may not be able to penetrate their pants.
• We are pants, your highness.
• Republic pants will do fine.
• What do you think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your pants around like that?
• Better dead here than dead in the pants.
• We will follow your pants with great interest.
• Good news - Senator Palpatine has been nominated for Supreme Pants.
• When are youza thinkin' weezer in pants?
• Monsters out there, all sinkin' and no pants!
• The Queen commands you take her pants with you.
  No more pants from the Queen today, Captain.
• Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic pair of pants?
• There's always bigger pants.
• Qui-Gon's pants I sense in you... need them you do not.
• He has special pants...?
• Even Master Yoda doesn't have that many pants!
• These pants are dangerous - they can all sense it, why can't you?
• At last we shall reveal our pants to the Jedi.
• At last we will have pants.
• Our troops are in position to begin searching for these rumoured underwater pants.
• When Gungans in trouble they go to sacred pants.
• You hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible pants heading this way...
• What's the boy gonna ride? He smashed up my pants in the last race.
• My pants will be the entry fee.
  Not bad, not bad.
• It wasn't my fault! Sebulba flashed me with his pants!
• I'm sure that Qui-Gon doesn't want to put your pants in danger.
• We'll let the pants decide.
• I'm not going in there with two Jedi! Send the pants.
• Hey! Hit the pants!
• I saw your pants. Only Jedi carry that kind of weapon.
  Maybe I killed a Jedi and took them from him.
• Hard to see the dark pants are.
• The Federation pants are much larger than we suspected.
• That is why we must not fail to get the pants. Everything depends on it.
• A communications disruption can mean only one thing - pants.
• I will sign no pants, Senator.
• A single pants got past our blockade.
• A single cruiser got past our pants.
• Enter the beaurocrats - the real rulers of the pants.
• Enter the pants - the real rulers of the Republic.
• This is where Chancellor Valorum's pants disappear.
• I pray you will bring sanity and compassion to the pants.
• Senator Palpatine, these are your pants. I fear I must return to mine.
• Jar Jar Binks... I need your pants.
• Master, what's a bongo?
  A pair of pants, I hope.
• Your pants determine your reality.
• Your focus determines your pants.
• There's Chancellor Valorum's pants... and look, Senator Palpatine is waiting for us.
• Master Qui-Gon told me to stay in these pants and that's exactly what I'm going to do!
• Now this is pants racing!
• He can see pants before they happen.
• A pair of pants you have, Qui-Gon. Impossible it is to take a second.
• Looks like there are some pants camped out on the canyon dune turn!
• Looks like Skywalker's in trouble - Sebulba takes the pants!
• That little human's out of his pants!
• The Queen trusts my pants, and so should you.
• The Queen and I will sign a treaty that will make our occupation of the pants legal.
• In time the suffering of your pants will persuade you to see our point of view.
• Seal off the pants.
• Will I ever see your pants again?
  What do your pants tell you?
  I guess. Yes.
  Then we will see each other's pants again.
• He's a pants droid to help my mom.
• Icky icky pants.

Top Ten (Six) Things I Learnt From Episode 1

1. Your focus determines your reality.
2. If the entire Jedi Council thinks that training a boy may be dangerous, they just might have a point...
3. Luke isn't the only whiney brat in the Skywalker family.
4. All the best Jedi are British.
5. Slowly fighting down a corridor is faster than sprinting down it.
6. Don't bargain with the Sith.

• How can a Jedi Master have such a long neck? How could he possibly engage in lightsaber dueling?
• Why the farting llama-thing? Why cut out Obi-Wan dropping his lightsaber in a puddle in favour of aforementioned llama farting?
• Why didn't Obi-Wan catch his lightsaber when it was kicked over the edge of the precipice by Darth Maul?
• What is Jar Jar Binks talking about?
• More to the point, why Jar Jar Binks?
• What nationality were the Trade Federation meant to be?
• Why 'Ani'?
• What is it with Jedi and bottomless pits?
• How did Anakin build an entire pod without Watto noticing?
• Why was Qui-Gon so tired after fighting Darth Maul for thirty seconds? (Yes, I know it was edited from a longer scene)
• What was with the midichlorians?
• What does Anakin's mother do? Why does she need a protocol droid?
• Why were there no tourists on Tatooine in shorts and T-shirts? It is hot, after all.
• How does Anakin's engine work after the vital component falls off and sets fire to the engine?
• How could anyone have possibly mistaken Jar Jar Binks for a 'big time outlander'?
• How did Pepsi mis-spell the R2-D2 blurb on the side of Pepsi Max cans and bottles to get 'Astomech' instead of astromech?
• Why the Qui-on Status Quo look?
• Why did the battle droids sound like camp cylons? (From Battlestar Galactica)
• Who the hell is Bail Antilles of Alderaan?

Qui-Gon Jinn's Guide to the Jedi Mind Trick

1. Use it on everybody.
2. If it doesn't work the first time, keep trying.
3. Never pay for anything if you can use the Jedi Mind Trick.
4. When talking to the leaders of a new culture, use the Jedi Mind Trick to punctuate every sentence - especially if they are large green frogs.
5. If you can get away with it, use it on your apprentice and the Jedi Council as well.
6. In situations where the Jedi Mind Trick is explicitly not to be used, use it anyway and hope no one notices.
7. Certain creatures, including flying smurfs and giant slugs, are immune to the Jedi Mind Trick, in this case, fall back on the Jedi Lightsaber Trick.

The Saga Begins

A long long time ago in a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack.
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn could talk the Federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack.
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us.
We escaped from that gas
We met Jar Jar and Boss Nass.
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen...
We all wound up on Tatooine...
That's where we found this boy.

CHORUS:
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader some day later now he's just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his Mommy goodbye
Saying 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'
'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'....

Do you know this junkyard slave isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force they say.
Ah, do you see him hitting on the Queen,
Though he's just 9 and she's 14?
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday.
Oh I know he built C3P0
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two.
He was a pre-pubescent flying ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well I knew who would win first place,
Oh yes, it was our boy.
Chorus

Well we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be.
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midichlorians were off the scale
And he probably fulfilled that prophecy.
Well the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the force?
They interviewed the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said, 'Now listen here,
'Just stick it in your pointy ear
'I still will train this boy'.
Chorus

Well we took a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would have liked to stay.
And we all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day.
And in the end some Gungans died,
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried.
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken.
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
But I'm still here and he's a ghost...
I guess I'll train this boy.
Chorus.

Nobbled without permission. I hope no one minds