DARK JEDI 1AB: Right, brown door?

RAIN: Right. The brown door in front of you or round the corner?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Well, actually I was asking everyone else

BLADE: What a good idea, Morwen.

RAIN: Right. There are crates and crates and crates and crates in here.

DARK JEDI 1AB: How big is it?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ah.

RAIN: Oh, there's a brown door here and a brown door there.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay. There are crates and crates and crates?

BLADE: Is he dead, this dead man?

RAIN: He is a dead dead man.

STARCHASER: I'm going to go and check out and see what he's got on him.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I'm going to do my funky priest thing first.

RAIN: Do you want to know how he died?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yes.

BLADE: Horribly horribly.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I'd have checked that while I was saying the rites over him.

RAIN: He has acid burns on his arm and he has a really nasty gash in his chest.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Vegepygmy spear?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Number 55? Isn't that a laser?

RAIN: It might be.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I've got a 53 laser.

BLADE: No, 55 is the one you hold on your arm I think.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Isn't that the wrist one?

RAIN: Yep, you've got one of them.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Anyone want it? I'll take it.

BLADE: Yeah, go for it if you want.

RAIN: It's empty.

BLADE: One presumes he would not have died if it had been full.

RAIN: Yep. He has a brown keycard and a small thing that looks like a trowel, which has mud on it. Dried mud.

BLADE: So we can only presume it is a trowel, then? Is he the same guy we saw on the first screen we ever saw? I remember what he looked like.

DARK JEDI 1AB: The gardener on the scrying glass.

RAIN: Make an intelligence check.

BLADE: 3

RAIN: No, it's not the same guy. You're absolutely certain.

DARK JEDI 1AB: It was a nice idea, though.

BLADE: Is this guy wearing khaki?

RAIN: He's wearing a brown jump-suit.

RAIN: Yes, but people can change their clothes.

BLADE: Quite a few people do. Okay, yeah, good point.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Errm. Okay. Can we try and open up a crate or two? How long has the guy been dead, by the way?

RAIN: A bit over a week. More than a week.

DARK JEDI 1AB: More than a week? Ah. Can we open a crate or two? Carefully, there might be acid inside.

RAIN: Erm, yes. You open one of them, it appears to be full of little soft yellow flat packets. And they've got writing on them and pictures of things with leaves on. They're kind of liquidy.

BLADE: Read languages... 87 under 60.

RAIN: You don't know. You were never as interested in plant studies as the others.

BLADE: Botany.

DARK JEDI 1AB: arkh-Shamier'yv?

RAIN: Nope, he can't read it.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Morwen will put it back.

RAIN: Are you going to open any of the others?

BLADE: Yeah, go on then.

RAIN: The next one is full of very large things, like the meal packets, only slightly bigger. Slightly large and slightly squishy.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Slightly large and slightly squishy? Can we open one of them?

RAIN: Yeah.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay, I'll open one of these then.

RAIN: Cool air comes out and it looks to be like meat of some kind.

BLADE: Refrigerated? Bloody hell! Whatever next?

RAIN: You also notice behind some of the crates there is a funny low wheeled thing. Sort of that long with little funny wheels on it and a handle.

BLADE: Nice if you like that kind of thing.

DARK JEDI 1AB: An L-shape?

RAIN: No, it's a lot smaller than an L-shape.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Could be a lower case L.

BLADE: Are we moving on?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Brown door opposite the one we came in on, I think.

RAIN: Hmm?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Brown door opposite the one we came in on.

RAIN: Oh, that's the way you want to leave? Pass me the map.

RAIN: It's complicated. Ooh, where are we? There we are.

DARK JEDI 1AB: See? You expect me to get the map right and you don't know where we are!

RAIN: I do. It's just your map's always the wrong way round.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Why isn't Marcus doing the map? He's got intelligence 18.

STARCHASER: I'm not stupid enough to stand in the firing line.

RAIN: He knows he'll just get criticised too.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Why? For having intelligence 18?

STARCHASER: That's why I have intelligence 18.

BLADE: No. You have intelligence 18 and that is why you don't stand in the firing line.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I think that's more of a wisdom thing myself. Because a character of intelligence 18 would be able to calculate the exact damage you would take from standing in the firing line of a bullet. A character with wisdom 18 would know that it was a really stupid idea.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okey dokey.

RAIN: Those are, again, twalettas.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Fair enough. Rain displaying once again her many, many languages.

RAIN: Is the Dictaphone on anymore?

BLADE: Yeah, maybe.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Excellent. What's round the corner, Rain?

RAIN: What's round the corner? Right, there's a corridor, it's 1, 2, 3, 4... forty foot from end to end. That is from bottom end to top end.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah, I've got it.

RAIN: With a purple door at the end.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Like so? Is it a dead end?

RAIN: Yeah. With a purple door at the dead end.

DARK JEDI 1AB: There?

RAIN: Yep.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay. And what's in the opening?

RAIN: Well there's some other things there, exactly like the one on the other side.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Exactly like the one on the other side. Soo...

DARK JEDI 1AB: Purple doors... purple doors evenly spread throughout?

RAIN: Yeah, there's four of them. Yeah.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That'll do.

STARCHASER: That's not even close (in cheesy American accent).

DARK JEDI 1AB: Four? Ah.

RAIN: Same sort of style as the other one.

DARK JEDI 1AB: What, all on the inside like that?

RAIN: Yeah.

RAIN: There are fences all along here, from there to there with posts between them. The one at this end is still here. The rest have all fallen down. You can see very little from here, there are lots of plants and stuff. You can see lots of the tall trees.

BLADE: A very little what can we see?

RAIN: Very little anything. Oh, you can see those little rabbitoids - do you remember them? The little rabbits with the little horns?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Cute rabbitoids.

RAIN: That everybody hates?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh, come on, we know they're going to attack us. This is a TSR bloody dungeon!

BLADE: It was only Kheldar - no, it was Marcus that missiled one of them.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah, Marcus magic missiled one.

RAIN: But they were cute!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Can we see the far end?

RAIN: You can see there's a doorway and a wall.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ten foot? Twenty foot? And opposite...?

RAIN: The door is twenty foot from the bottom corner. From where the lizards were.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ugg?

BLADE: Lizards? You never said anything about lizards!

RAIN: Okay, there are 2 dead lizards in there, that's all.

DARK JEDI 1AB: How big are lizards?

RAIN: They're really big. But they're dead!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Tyrannosaurus sized?

RAIN: No. Not that big.

STARCHASER: Komodo dragon?

BLADE: Oh, And of course the four live ones!

RAIN: I'm just going to show Flakes the little rabbitoids.

DARK JEDI 1AB: They are cute, it's true.

BLADE: There, over the other side.

RAIN: They're not there anymore.

BLADE: Does anybody want some cola? Oh, bummer. What did you take out?

RAIN: There, on top of that. (pointing at picture).

DARK JEDI 1AB: Looks like a mini tarrasque.

RAIN: They're rabbits with little things on their heads.

FLAKES: Awww.

RAIN: And I think they're adorable but everyone else is expecting to be attacked by them.

FLAKES: They wouldn't!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Rain.

BLADE: Somebody shot one.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Rain!

BLADE: Somebody shot one. Somebody, as if we didn't know who...

DARK JEDI 1AB: Rain!! Is there a doorway in the middle of this wall at the far end?

RAIN: It's 20 foot from that corner.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh, right, cool.

RAIN: No, no, the other side.

BLADE: You're crap and you know you are.

RAIN: From the corner, not in the 20th foot.

DARK JEDI 1AB: You said the corridor was 20 foot wide.

RAIN: No I didn't. You said it was.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay... somebody else take over the map. I did ask if it was just symmetric and you said no. And oh well never mind, never mind.

STARCHASER: How many plants are on the outside of the fences?

RAIN: It's dangerous to say if it's symmetric or not.

STARCHASER: How many plants on the outside of the fences?

RAIN: How many plants on the outside of the fences? The whole area's covered in vegetation.

RAIN: There are more of those big trees with giant err, umm, grapes on them.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Right, shall we wander outside then? Take the plunge?

BLADE: Or there are these stairs, of course, all the way round.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I think we should explore all of this level before we go down.

BLADE: Fair enough. Erm... my only question is: what are you expecting to find out there? If we go out there, there's only one thing worth looking at and that's the island, which Marcus has already said has got a door in it.

DARK JEDI 1AB: No, we'll go through here and find out what's in there.

BLADE: Oh right, sorry. I thought you meant take the plunge into the middle.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah, well, there are a lot of doors to check down here first that we haven't looked in.

STARCHASER: Yeah, but they probably hold the same stuff that we've already seen.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Possibly, but it's worth checking. It won't take long.

STARCHASER: It will.

DARK JEDI 1AB: We could be walking.

STARCHASER: This thing's a couple of miles across.

DARK JEDI 1AB: No, each square's only ten foot.

STARCHASER: Oh, I thought it was a couple of miles across.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Come on, we could be walking and talking and having this conversation.

RAIN: Where are you going?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Umm. Maybe we should check the purple doors.

RAIN: Oh, those purple doors.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Along the sides. What do you think?

BLADE: Yeah, if we can reach any without getting... risk of being killed by...

DARK JEDI 1AB: There doesn't -

BLADE: Okay.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I'm not saying there isn't anything deadly out there, but there doesn't look like there is.

BLADE: Okay, right, yeah, let's check the purple doors. What... where... where are we by the way?

DARK JEDI 1AB: We're standing here.

BLADE: Right, lets' check this one just here then.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That's a good idea.

RAIN: Which one? Where?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Purple right down the end of the corridor.

RAIN: Oh right, yeah. You open the door -

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yaha.

BLADE: And get eaten!

RAIN: Err, nope.

BLADE: Damn.

RAIN: It opens up into a 10 foot wide corridor.

BLADE: Yep.

RAIN: That connects. It doesn't go off like that.

BLADE: Right. It goes across like -

RAIN: Yep. It goes across like that. Yep, that's the one. It's... there's a purple door directly opposite you. And there's a purple door in the wall opposite you at the far end in the left - on the right.

BLADE: It goes like that, right?

RAIN: Yep. And a purple door there and a purple door here.

BLADE: A purple door there and a purple door here.

RAIN: Yep.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Does it go in round here?

RAIN: Nope. There's a wall there.

BLADE: Right then. Let's try the purple door right next to us.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Indeed.

RAIN: What, directly opposite?

BLADE: Well, we're right next to it.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Good idea.

BLADE: Checking it.

RAIN: You open it.

BLADE: No I don't! Morwen does.

RAIN: You open it.

BLADE: Yeah, Morwen gets shot!

RAIN: You open it into the garden which at this point you can see lots and lots of high grass and vegetation. It's very warm and the path you can see a little distance away through the grasses. There's a pool you can see just a little way over there and there are lots and lots of lizards where you are.

BLADE: Oh.

RAIN: They sort of come over that big... do you remember the big dimetrodon you saw from above? That is sort of 6 feet that way. And there's lots and lots of lizards, most of them basking and eating flying insects and things around in the area where you are.

BLADE: How nice.

RAIN: There are lots of them lazing by the pool. There are fish in the pool and stuff. This generally must be like a lizard's paradise. They pay you scant attention.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh, cool.

BLADE: Good, let's go to the other purple door then.

RAIN: Some of them have those eyes that do that - like chameleon eyes.

DARK JEDI 1AB: So, does the other purple door at the other end of the corridor go up into the same bit?

BLADE: You really ought to see... it's only a shame that the tape doesn't show what the DM is doing with the 'crazy eyes like a chameleon'.

RAIN: It's a shame, I'll make a note: GM does weird wiggly things with hands over eyes.

FLAKES: Next time we'll have to bring a camcorder.

RAIN: Okay, do you want to open the other door?

BLADE: In the corridor. Yeah.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Morwen's just going to look further along to see if it opens into the same place.

RAIN: It opens to a bit about thirty foot further along.

BLADE: Right.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That can't be good for the door mechanism,

RAIN: It's very nice and humid at this particular point.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Fair enough. Well, we'll wander out there later, shall we?

RAIN: If you like heat and humidity, and all that. I don't know if you do - people in armour generally don't.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I know. I know. Why do you think I'm suggesting not going out there yet?

STARCHASER: That one tastes nice.

BLADE: Yes, I was just about to say... tasty!

RAIN (through mouthful of biscuit): Ooh, I've got crumbs in my cleavage!

STARCHASER: That's going on the webpage.

BLADE: What? Mumble mumble mmmmm?

RAIN: No, I've got clumbs in my cleavage. Arse! I've just turned into a Japanese person.

FLAKES: You've just got clumbs in your creavage.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ah ha hmmm. Anyway, I think we should try the next purple door.

BLADE: Next purple door if you please.

RAIN: There aren't any more purple doors.

BLADE: Out in the corner.

RAIN: What?

STARCHASER: Please have a club.

BLADE: On the diagonal bit.

RAIN: Oh, out in the gardeny bit?

BLADE: Mm-ha.

RAIN: Oh... kay.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh, that doesn't sound very good.

RAIN: I want you to tell me your plan of attack for walking through the gardeny bit.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I wasn't planning to attack anything but -

BLADE: Okay, I'm planning to look and see if it looks scary and there are things going to wrap round my legs and stuff.

RAIN: Umm, there might be. But you haven't seen any of these plants before, ever.

STARCHASER: What do they look like?

DARK JEDI 1AB: I have two flame spears.

RAIN: Okay, I shall tell you. Aside from the lots and lots of rabbitoids, which don't seem to be having a bad time of it here, they don't look to be dying every time they move, there are lots of tall, slender trees with the big grapes on; lots of those and lots of small red flowers with a nice smell to them. The flower head is about that big. There are lots of little creepy yellow plants, sort of spread out, with the grass growing between them so you can't actually see them unless you look down.

STARCHASER: Creepy.

RAIN: Ah-huh. There are lots of little clumps of what looks like clover.

BLADE: Right. If it's good enough for rabbitoids, it's good enough for me.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah.

STARCHASER: I'll wait here.

STARCHASER: In case of any troubles.

BLADE: Yeah, you could leg it (laughing).

STARCHASER: Or I could try to rescue you.

RAIN: Right you, make a luck check.

BLADE: SevenTEEN!

RAIN: Oh, you're so lucky!

DARK JEDI 1AB: I've got a 5.

RAIN: Morwen's lucky, Sarah not lucky.

DARK JEDI 1AB: She treads on the yellow flowers, releases a cloud of spores... What about arkh-Shamier'yv?

RAIN: Do we think arkh-Shamier'yv should go?

DARK JEDI 1AB: I don't know. Yeah, he'd probably go.

BLADE: Yeah, it's pretty interesting out there: all those flowers and stuff.

DARK JEDI 1AB: He'd probably fly, though.

RAIN: He is lucky, however.

FLAKES: Thank you.

BLADE: Go on then, if you insist.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I think that's going down on the list. Go on then, tell us how Sarah gets unlucky.

RAIN: You walk under one of the trees...

BLADE: NOT one of the purple - oh NO!

RAIN: You didn't specify. I did ask you what your plan of attack was and you didn't specify 'I'm not walking under horrible tree things'.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay.

FLAKES: Thank you.

RAIN: It doesn't attack you.

BLADE: I kind of assumed that common sense would mean I wouldn't walk under a big huge grape thing that was just about to drop on my head.

RAIN: You didn't.

BLADE: Oh.

RAIN: But, walking under it, managing to avoid walking under the huge grape things that might fall on your head, one of them just falls off behind you. And you get this just horrible... oh actually, roll percentiles.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Horrible icky stuff lands all over you.... Well, what is it?

BLADE: 29!

DARK JEDI 1AB: The suspense is killing me!

RAIN: You manage to sort of just jump out the way as this mess sort of goes splat in a five foot radius all around it and the smell is horrible, it makes you want to throw up. But it fades very quickly.

DARK JEDI 1AB: What was that all about? Morwen glances suspiciously at the tree. Does it appear to be looking a bit... umm... umm...

BLADE: ...malicious...?

RAIN: Oh, the tree just looks like it dropped a fruit.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Does it look pleased about this?

BLADE: 'Bad tree' (imitating Sisski's voice)

RAIN: Sisski's staying out of the garden. Sisski has not come into the garden.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh. We should have taken our cue from that really, shouldn't we? Let's move a bit faster and not go under any of the trees.

RAIN: Right, are you going to open the purple door?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yaha.

RAIN: You open the purple door into a corridor, which runs all the way along the edge of the thing there. Which connects with the other two purple doors and there's a purple door at the far end.

BLADE: Say that again?

RAIN: No, that's it. That's it. There. All I said was that it encompassed all those doors and the purple door at the far end. And there are the fences that ran along - those faint sticks I've drawn - come into this area but there's sort of doorway-hatches cut in them. You could climb up them or something if you wanted.

BLADE: Ah, so you could actually get into those closed off areas?

RAIN: Yeah.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay.

BLADE: Gnarly. (To JUDAS:) Have you been pushed out just because Flakes wants to sit there?

RAIN: It's not as if he's in the session, is it?

FLAKES: There was kind of like that much room there -

BLADE: Come and sit down Judas (pats bedside).

RAIN: It's not Dark Jedi's fault he's got a big bum.

FLAKES: No, it was actually the table, not the bum size.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I can't believe you're going to put that on your webpage!

BLADE: (quoting, well, bastardising) Well, you have got a very big bum.

DARK JEDI 1AB: (also quoting) Listen, your bum's going to be three foot wide across your fucking face in a minute, mate!

BLADE: (quoting) Who hit your bum then? Goliath's big brother?

FLAKES: Are you going to put THAT on your webpage?

RAIN: Yeah, I'm going to need a different colour for quoting.

BLADE: (quoting): Oi!

DARK JEDI 1AB: (quoting) Oh, do pipe down.

RAIN: I'm going to need a colour for what people really say, what they say to get their characters to do something, what the characters say and when players are quoting.

BLADE: No no no - that was spontaneous humour there. That wasn't quoting from anything.

RAIN: Alright. Okay, what are you guys doing then?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Well, right. Umm, I'll shout back to Marcus and people and tell him what's happening.

BLADE: Run! Run!! Run for your lives!!!

DARK JEDI 1AB: It's a corridor that connects up with all the other doors and there's a door at the end. We're going through the door at the end, is what I'll say. Are you coming with us?

BLADE: (small voice) It's really scary out here. Send for help.

RAIN: Sisski takes a ginger step into the undergrowth and disappears into the long grasses.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Does Sarah actually say that?

BLADE: Yeah. Probably in very much the same way as well.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Morwen looks around a bit surprised at Sarah.

STARCHASER: I'll ask Sisski -

RAIN: She's disappeared into the undergrowth.

STARCHASER: - if she wants to be picked up.

RAIN: Sisski says 'Yes please. Me small'.

STARCHASER: I'll pick the cat up then and walk off.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Don't walk under the trees.

RAIN: Sisski's quite tense.

STARCHASER: Okay, I'll try and calm her down and I'll -

RAIN: 'Plant place' says Sisski.

STARCHASER: ...lots of people talking and I cast shield.

BLADE: On the door!

RAIN: How long does it last?

DARK JEDI 1AB: 5 rounds per level.

RAIN: Forever then.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That's 25 minutes assuming we're casting it in rounds as in minutes as opposed to rounds as in rounds.

RAIN: Cool. What are you guys doing? You get to the door I presume?

STARCHASER: We're going through this one at the end then, are we?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yep.

BLADE: The one at the end of the corridor if you please.

RAIN: The one at the end of the corridor opens up into a 10 foot by 50 foot corridor.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah.

RAIN: Right. In the first 10 foot on the left hand side...

BLADE: Mmm.

RAIN: Left hand side.

BLADE: Yep.

RAIN: Yep. There is a purple door.

BLADE: Yeah. You're welcome to help yourself.

FLAKES: No thank you, I'm fine.

RAIN: And in the 40th foot on the right hand side there is a purple door. There is nothing else in this corridor. It is slightly less warm here than where you've just been.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Phew! That's good. I'm just going to run down to the purple door at the end and check it goes into the main garden.

RAIN: You open it up into the main garden and there's less lizards out there, you can see the grass is slightly lower here, there's a little path winding it's way across -

BLADE: Is it cooler here?

RAIN: Yes, slightly cooler.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That's nice. A bit strange though.

BLADE: Ah-huh.

RAIN: You see a large number of rabbitoids -

DARK JEDI 1AB: You do remember last year's thermodynamics course, don't you Rain? Morwen doesn't, unfortunately.

RAIN: Fortunately for magic - for magic? - for Morwen, she believes in magic.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah.

DARK JEDI 1AB: So the one on the left?

BLADE: Purple!

RAIN: Okay, you open it up. Have you been here before?

BLADE: No.

RAIN: Right, okay, cool. It's an exact mirror image of the other side.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah right.

RAIN: Except for the brown doors but you haven't been through them yet, have you?

DARK JEDI 1AB: No, but we're just about to start.

RAIN: Right. Tell me where you're going then and I will tell you what you see.

FLAKES: Okay, I'm dead then.

RAIN: You can't be dead yet, Flakes, you haven't started.

FLAKES: Judas just killed me. With his sword.

BLADE: What a git.

STARCHASER (quoting): And there was much rejoicing.

DARK JEDI 1AB: The whole area! Rain, the whole thing? All of it?

RAIN: Well, yeah...

DARK JEDI 1AB: What, all of this bit here?

RAIN: Thank you, just tell me where you are. Just say 'this bit' and I'll go 'yep'. Just say 'that bit' and I'll go 'yep'.

BLADE: We'll got through the first brown door we come to.

RAIN: Oh cool, you go through the one straight ahead. You go past the two toilets without checking them?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh no, we'll check the toilets.

BLADE: We'll confirm.

RAIN: They are toilets.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Good.

FLAKES: Always wise to check.

DARK JEDI 1AB: ALWAYS wise to check. Where do the staircases actually start, Rain?

RAIN: They always start on the side nearest the dropchute.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Right. Does it go like this or is it just -

RAIN: Yes, it goes round and round and round.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Into darkness?

RAIN: Round and round.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okey doke. We continue on to the brown door.

RAIN: Give us the map a minute.

BLADE: Hang on, what was that little brown door? You haven't told us yet, have you?

RAIN: I told you it was the same as on the other side of the map.

BLADE: Yes, but we haven't been through it yet.

DARK JEDI 1AB: We're doing it now.

RAIN: Oh right. Yes, that's why I want you to pass me the map

BLADE: Is it going to be a curve like the last one?

RAIN: Yes, it is going to be a curve. Quite a big one.

BLADE: I think I can cope.

RAIN: A big room. Yep, room 21.

BLADE: Oh dear.

RAIN: Right.

BLADE: Not bad.

RAIN: There are crates and some boxes, two of those little wheeled trolley things you saw before and a pile of troughs - they look a bit like horse feeding troughs.

FLAKES: Aaargh! You just cut me in the arse!

BLADE: Dead dudes?

RAIN: No dead people.

BLADE: Good.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Try a crate or two?

RAIN: You open one of the crates. Much the same things as the last place, really.

DARK JEDI 1AB: This whole area - looks like they've been tending the animals or something.

BLADE: Does look like a deliberate garden, doesn't it?

RAIN: A deliberate garden? What an unusual phrase

DARK JEDI 1AB: Big paths and stuff in it? And is it? Oh, I don't know.

RAIN: The paths have been covered with these soft, large, stylishly cream-coloured stones.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah, you're right, it does look like that. But Morwen doesn't know, Morwen's not very up on err umm...

RAIN: No. She'd probably recognise an artificial path if she saw one.

FLAKES: If only I had Allundi here.

RAIN: Allundi would just go: 'My god, what is that monstrosity?' Probably. I don't know, actually.

FLAKES: He'd probably like the garden but he'd think 'garden in the mountain?'

DARK JEDI 1AB: Do these umm, these trolley things look like you should fit the boxes on them and things?

RAIN: The boxes should fit on them alright. They fit over... sort of miss...by sort of this much...

DARK JEDI 1AB: Are there like holes on the underside of the boxes which sort of fit onto the trolleys or something?

RAIN: Err, Yes.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh. I thought as much. Just checking. Right.

RAIN: They're only very slight grooves really. Just to hold the boxes on.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Right. Let's keep going then, I think.

RAIN: Where are you going to keep going to?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Sort of round the circle.

RAIN: Helpful.

BLADE: Morwen, is there much point?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Erm, there are brown doors over here which we haven't looked at.

BLADE: Mind you, this point does look different, actually, doesn't it? Well, effectively where we come in...?

RAIN: Where are you? And where are you going and doing? I need to know where you are and where you're going.

BLADE: We're over here, if that's IN, that's the overgrown bit, isn't it?

RAIN: Which door is it?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Is there a purple door here?

RAIN: Yes. I'd rather you told me where you were rather than some random place.

DARK JEDI 1AB: We're just walking past the toilets and stairs -

RAIN: Which door did you go through? I've asked you three times and you still haven't told me.

BLADE: We're just going through here...

RAIN: Right. So how the hell did you go past the stairs in order to... you implied that you went past the stairs up and round and you can't do that if you went through that brown door.

STARCHASER: Why not?

RAIN: Because...

STARCHASER: Is there a corridor here?

RAIN: Yes. But Dark Jedi implied that you came up from the top door, which is why I was confused.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Sorry. I kind of meant past the stairs as in the stairs going past there.

RAIN: Oh right.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Sorry.

BLADE: Or we could have come out of that door, it doesn't really matter.

RAIN: No. It DOES matter. I want you to tell me what door you went through.

BLADE: Ooh. Well, if it matters, we'll go out the other door.

DARK JEDI 1AB: No, we'll go out this door here, so we go past the dropchute.

RAIN: Thank you.

BLADE: Or go out the one we came in...?

DARK JEDI 1AB: If we get attacked now, right, you can take full responsibility.

RAIN: Somebody decide which door to go through or -

DARK JEDI 1AB: The one by the dropchute! I'm going through the one next to the dropchute - anyone else is welcome to follow me.

RAIN: Right! In front of the dropchute is a huge area covered by vines.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh...kay.

RAIN: You don't have to stand in it, no.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Good.

RAIN: You might want to draw them on the map.

BLADE: When you say 'in front of' do you mean on Morwen's side or on the other side?

RAIN: No. They're on the other side. In the doorway. Right across the front. Standing around the dropchute, sort of between the dropchute and the stairs, the area you've just been... indicate on the map so I know where you think it is... yeah, just there, are a large handful of people. The kind of handful you have to hold like that (GM cups both hands in front of her).

STARCHASER: They're that big?

BLADE: A bucketload!

RAIN: There's a small bucketload of people, yes.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Haw... that's unusual.

RAIN: Looking at them, you go 'Ooh! They don't look human'. And they don't, it's true. Well, some of them do, a bit. Two of them look human, the rest do not. You find yourself standing face-to-face with a bunch of people who look like elves but have very dark skin.

FLAKES: Wooh!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Do they have red eyes?

RAIN: Yes, they have red eyes. Erm, they seem to be holding, well, they seem to have with them another person who has darkish skin but not as dark as them, who is obviously bound and tied. And a human and a half-elf.

BLADE: Let's kick some shit!

RAIN: The half-elf looks a bit beaten up but is alright by the looks of him.

BLADE: So, the people who don't look dark are bound?

RAIN: Yes, and the human is covered in tattoos and wearing a... loincloth?

JUDAS: A big towel!

RAIN: He's quite tall, isn't he?

JUDAS: He's about six foot seven.

BLADE: Eek!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Just one second...

FLAKES: That makes him a whole foot taller than me.

RAIN: Really, really tall. When you look at him you have to look up like that (looks up). Of the dark-skinned elf-type people -

DARK JEDI 1AB: Call them Drow, we all know!

RAIN: Of the Drow there are six tall ones, tall male ones evidently, because they look male. And just a second, that's not everybody.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Just checking, Just checking.

RAIN: And, erm, a very short one with a spear. She's wearing no armour.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Female?

RAIN: And is female.

DARK JEDI 1AB: She's mine!

BLADE: Why do the leaders always have to be yours?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Because she's a priestess.

RAIN: Right, I think I'm going to get the figures.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ooh dear! Looks like we're in for a bit of a scrap here, lads. And lasses.

BLADE: I think we should use the goblins for them. That's all they're worth.

RAIN: Indeed.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I've got a recitation left. Fucking A! (To STARCHASER) What have you got?

STARCHASER: Oh dear. I just hope shield lasts.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah, how many rounds of shield has he got left, Rain?

STARCHASER: If not, I'm stitched.

RAIN: Umm... I say you've been no more than ten or fifteen minutes. So let's call it twelve minutes you've got left.

BLADE: Run and hide in the room we've just come out of.

RAIN: You've got bucketloads of shield left.

FLAKES: So if it lasts more than 13 minutes, we're all dead.

RAIN: Why? Because if Marcus dies you all die?

BLADE: Get the goblins for the Drow.

JUDAS: Fighting the Drow for thirteen minutes will normally kill you.

BLADE: If you've been fighting the Drow for thirteen minutes, you've got to be pretty fucking hard!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Bloody Drow! What are the Drow doing here?

BLADE: Well, it's almost underground.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I suppose that's reason enough that the Drow to check it out.

RAIN: Are you impressed?

BLADE: What was that? I missed that.

RAIN: I just kind of threw stuff generally that way.

FLAKES: And it hit me.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Cheese cheese! (Private joke) Yeah yeah!

STARCHASER: The table's cleared and loads of pieces of paper were thrown generally by the GM at Flakes.

RAIN: Yes, but that's because I love Flakes. I think she's so great.

BLADE: Nonsense, mate, nonsense.

RAIN: No, you don't really look like that.

JUDAS: I know, but it was the big fisticuffs I was thinking.

RAIN: I thought the barbarian would be better because he's got a loincloth on.

JUDAS: Fair enough.

RAIN: Ah! Heroquest barbarians are so great!

JUDAS: It's not really quite big enough.

RAIN: Sisski. Okay have we got Sarah?

BLADE: No she's up there.

RAIN: Flakes?

BLADE: Can you get the elf with the cloak?

RAIN: And the bow I think she has doesn't she?

BLADE: Umm yeah.

RAIN: We've got Morwen,

BLADE: Yeah we'll have arkh-Shamier'yv, why not?

RAIN: Where's the Heroquest wizard? There he is. Archie? Have we got Archie? Get rid of all the horses. Or do we need plesiosaurs and donkeys and things?

BLADE: (Singing) Wizardora... we adore her...

FLAKES: Any suggestions for me?

RAIN: Anything you like, really.

FLAKES: I could use Chiane temporarily.

RAIN: Yep, Chiane temporarily will do.

FLAKES: Or shall I have this?

RAIN: Yeah, that's Theah's werewolf form. Not that she's a werewolf.

BLADE: And not that she has an AK47.

RAIN: Do you want to bring the goblins down Judas, since you're standing?

BLADE: Goblins!

RAIN: (To Judas) What time are your friends picking you up?

FLAKES: That does not in any way, shape or form resemble Jason.

JUDAS: Arse!

RAIN: They're picking you up by the arse?

FLAKES: Wooh!

RAIN: Wow, some friends he has. And the woman...

STARCHASER: What for?

RAIN: I'm stretching it slightly.

STARCHASER: I don't mind, it's not a problem.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Twat the bastard.

RAIN: Just twat him.

STARCHASER: 18. That's a hit.

BLADE: You asked for it - quite literally.

STARCHASER: 8 points of damage.

BLADE: Plus Morwen? Or have you already done that?

STARCHASER: Plus 4, plus 3, plus 1 apparently.

RAIN: Bloody hell.

STARCHASER: I've got strength seventeen.

RAIN: I know.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That's only plus one to damage. Or have you specialised?

STARCHASER: Yep.

RAIN: He's got the specialist damage as opposed to the specialist attacks.

DARK JEDI 1AB: You're a wizard.

BLADE: He's a fighter-mage, isn't he?

RAIN: No he's not, he's just a wizard.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah, but he's not getting the specialist plus 2 damage, surely?

RAIN: I gave it to him because he's a battle mage.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Bleugh.

RAIN: He didn't ask for it, I just gave it to him.

STARCHASER: I didn't even know!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Can we roll initiative now? That combat round took forever.

RAIN: No it didn't.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Well it felt like it.

RAIN: What thing is your dex adjustment for initiative?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Reaction adjustment is what we usually use, don't we?

RAIN: Cool. I just wanted to know.

DARK JEDI 1AB: R Adj.

RAIN: Right, I'm trying to keep track of three types of initiative right now. Ones! Twos!

RAIN: Roll off.

RAIN: 5.

BLADE: 1.

DARK JEDI 1AB: 10.

STARCHASER: 3.

RAIN: Okay Sarah, what are you doing?

BLADE: I'll try and clonk this guy. (Clatter) Two hits. Five points of damage... and three points of damage is eight points of damage with a... 18% chance of knockout.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Proposal that chewy sweets be banned in combat rou - when we're rolling initiative from now on?

BLADE: Sorry.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh, that's alright, I just think that's actually a good idea.

RAIN: No eating chewy sweets in your initiative phase. That was...?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Twos stroke one.

RAIN: You're next.

STARCHASER: (Small voice) But they did roll good.

RAIN: Fair enough. Then me. Right. Okay. The woman...

DARK JEDI 1AB: Dammit. God dammit

BLADE: Do do do do do do...

FLAKES: Do do do do do do...

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh damn

BLADE: Do do do do do do...

RAIN: Which means that -

RAIN: What?..No...oh cool. Umm. Four mirror images of her appear.

RAIN: There are four of her now.

STARCHASER: D'you want some more models?

RAIN: No no no no (laughing). She's just the one person

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh okey doke.

RAIN: Four versions of her appear.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Hmmm. Fair enough.

RAIN: In the same area that she is occupying

STARCHASER: So they're all overlapping

RAIN: They're all overlapping ...she moves...a bit...not a lot...uhh. Morwen.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah. I'm going to cast battlefate.

RAIN: Fair enough....cast battlefate. Umm.

STARCHASER: You need a macro for all those spells.

RAIN: It's true actually you do need a macro for them.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah cast them all at once that would be so cool!

RAIN: What we on?

BLADE: Ones.

RAIN: Twos, threes, fours, hurrah...right Drow one attacking Morwen.

BLADE: Did that guy take eight points of damage by the way?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yeah.

BLADE: Good. (To RAIN:) I don't like you by the way.

RAIN: Okay.

BLADE: Just thought you'd need to know that for your roleplay.

RAIN laughs.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Did he hit?

RAIN: No he misses

DARK JEDI 1AB: Jolly good

BLADE: He can probably sense it.

RAIN: The one on arkh-Shamier'yv ... also misses. The one on Marcus...hits

FLAKES: I think Sisski would detect a lot of hate in this room.

RAIN: Probably...6, how much do you get, minus one to damage? ...5 points of damage. I think you're probably starting to look a little duffed up aren't you?

DARK JEDI 1AB: Got a spray thing?

STARCHASER: I'm fine.

RAIN: You're a wizard. You're not fine

STARCHASER: Five points of damage - I can take that. 17.

RAIN: The one on Sarah ...hits...doing 9 points of damage.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Fuck!

RAIN: Goes 'pooocch' into your side.

DARK JEDI 1AB: 9 points of damage when it was getting minus one from recitation?

RAIN: Yes.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Sheesh. So that's like a long sword like +6!

RAIN: Yes, because you need a long sword +6 to do 9 points of damage. (Laughs)

DARK JEDI 1AB: Are they using the accustomed Drow black weapons?

RAIN: They are using custom Drow black weapons.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Arse.

BLADE: It could be some of the woman's spells - she did two spells, it could have been one that made their damage biggerness.

DARK JEDI 1AB: True, but she hasn't asked us how much we hit by yet. So she couldn't have recitated us.

RAIN: Right, the other two are going to try and stab you.

BLADE: Ha ha ha ahaaa! Well, I won't bother taking any damage then.

RAIN: That's one hit.

BLADE: Against who?

RAIN: The big guy. He doesn't seem to be hurt. Fours? Fives? Sixes? Sevens?

FLAKES: Yes!

RAIN: What are you doing?

FLAKES: I'm going to back towards this guy. My friend.

RAIN: Eights. Nines. Ah, him. He gives you a slightly nervous look and starts sidling off this way.

FLAKES: Is he running away from me?

RAIN: No, no. He gives you a look that says 'I'm going back this way' In a kind of 'I'm just going to sidle, I hope nobody notices.'

FLAKES: I was kind of planning to help him.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Are they getting minus ones to their rolls because they're in bright light?

RAIN: Erm, they might be. I'm not telling you what they're getting because you don't know anything about the Drow.

STARCHASER: I should shine my torch at them.

RAIN: arkh-Shamier'yv hits the one in front of him.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Especially if you shine it in their eyes.

BLADE: I reckon shining one of those lasers is better.

RAIN: Tens. Initiative.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That's probably true. 8! What do I get?

RAIN: One second, give me a chance I've got three lots of initiative to roll at once.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Sorry!

RAIN: You get.... 5.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Yay! Plus 3 to damage.

RAIN: Right. Ones. Me!

BLADE: arkh-Shamier'yv casts insanity on the woman.

RAIN: Fair enough, I'll deal with arkh-Shamier'yv in a minute.

DARK JEDI 1AB: He's still trying to kill that Drow. Did he actually do anything last round?

RAIN: Yeah, arkh-Shamier'yv - he hit one of them.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Oh, right.

RAIN: Umm.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ip dip dog shit...

RAIN: I'll just roll a d4... Morwen!

DARK JEDI 1AB: Doh!

RAIN: Four magic missiles flying at you.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Aaargh! I ain't gonna save against that!

STARCHASER: You've probably got the most hit points out of the lot of us.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Shit! That makes her like... err... ninth level!

BLADE: Aye Carumba!

DARK JEDI 1AB: How rude. No... seventh. Come on, how much?

RAIN: 16 points of damage.

DARK JEDI 1AB: That hurt!

RAIN: Yes, it did.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Jesus! That's a lot! And unfortunately I'm in combat and hence cannot really do anything.

RAIN: Twos. Threes. The Drow! The rest of the Drow.

BLADE: Are you actually rolling their initiative?

RAIN: Yes.

BLADE: Because you've been rolling marvellous initiative.

RAIN: Yes. I've rolled three four three for them so far and for her I've rolled one two one. Right, the one on Morwen... hits you once.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Ah, balls.

RAIN: Doing, err, 8 points of damage.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Okay, I'm fucking healing myself after that. I'm on 7 hit points out of 31.

STARCHASER: We could make it none...

RAIN: The one on arkh-Shamier'yv... misses twice. The one on Marcus... hits once.

DARK JEDI 1AB: Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

RAIN: Oh, this is gonna hurt... actually it might not... 4 points of damage.

STARCHASER: Piece of cake.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I am invincible! Invincible! Invinc-aaaargh!

BLADE: Don't worry about m-

RAIN: The one on Sarah. Two hits.

BLADE: Oh my god.

RAIN: Five and six.

Blade. Naaaagh! Well, I've got two left.

RAIN: I thought you guys were on full hit points!

DARK JEDI 1AB: I was on full hit points!

RAIN: The ones on -

DARK JEDI 1AB: We're all dead!

STARCHASER: Naaaa.

DARK JEDI 1AB: We're all dead men. And now -

STARCHASER: We will survive, don't worry about it.

RAIN: One of them manages to... (drowned out)

DARK JEDI 1AB: Not against Drow. Not even the nices GM in the world could justify not killing a party when they got captured by Drow.

RAIN: Right. Threes. Fours.

DARK JEDI 1AB: I'm on eights. Keep counting.

RAIN: Fives. Sixes.

STARCHASER: Fours!

RAIN: Okay you, well, you lie there. Are you actually unconscious or are you just faking it?

STARCHASER: I'm on zero.

RAIN: Ah, fair enough, you're unconscious.

STARCHASER: I'm unconscious.

FLAKES: Sixes.

RAIN: What are we on? Fives? Sixes.

FLAKES: I'm going to try and kind of like try and get him to help me untie myself and I'll help untie him.

FLAKES: I'm kind of vaguely whispering or saying to him.

STARCHASER: Thick as a brick.

RAIN: He looks at you, confused.

STARCHASER: Is this the new NPC?

FLAKES: I grab his arm!

RAIN: How can you? You're tied up!

RAIN: Okay, you've got his arm like that. Okay, umm, do you have a kind of undoing ropes thing that you can do?

FLAKES: No.

RAIN: Do you have rope use?

FLAKES: No.

STARCHASER: Do you have a knife?

FLAKES: No. If I had a knife...

DARK JEDI 1AB: Do you have anything?

FLAKES: I've got my thieving skills.

RAIN: Have you got... pick pockets?

FLAKES: I have.

RAIN: Right, make a pick pockets roll then.